Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
