He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
