He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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