So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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