this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
