Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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