C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
