OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
