he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
