remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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