I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
