yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
