its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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