so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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