If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
