Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
