I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
