Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
