i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
