It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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