saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
