windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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