I wish I only lived at night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
