Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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