I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
