chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
