We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
