I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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