I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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