i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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