I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
