At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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