I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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