I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
