I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
