READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
