i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
