i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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