I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
