Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
