we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
