i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
