I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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