it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
