I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
