I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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