You really coming over, don't trick.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
