Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
