She went from zero to smokin in five shots
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
