i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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