I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
